London Bridge is falling down My fair lady

changing journals. if you want the new one that I'll be at, leave a message here. if not then later.

It was uncomfortable to say the least. When I went in they said the fetus was already deceased. So I didn't need to sit through the video or talk with anyone about other options. It just wasn't meant to be. Especially since the whole thing with my insides going batshit. So I got everything cleaned out. My ovaries, Everything. I am hollow on the inside. It hurts a bit, but I have my pain meds. I don't feel constantly nauseated anymore either! I actually was able to eat quite a lot last evening.

So the stomach problems are finally over.

I feel relieved. I'm still incredibly sore and I go back in for surgery for a breast reduc in seven months if I can't find a control top that will actually help.

I have so much energy now though. It's really strange. I feel a lot better. I didn't think I would feel relief this soon.

Now I only need to stress out about my back and getting called in as a witness to the trials.

SPEAKING OF TRIALS if you want to know whats going on. My ex is a part of a fairly large drug ring that imports product from China and the UK. On Monday I will be going in and speaking with my lawyer and a detective from the witness protection program. Because if they make me testify in court, I won't be able to live here anymore. Which means an extended hiatus until I get a new computer and working internet wherever I end up at.

Mi vida loca!

I also need to hire a caregiver if I end up going through the WPP because having to move means leaving the people that are taking care of me. *sigh*

I'm ready to move on. I'm done with this. I'm tired of people's audacity. He can't control me anymore. I'm also going to be starting self defense classes. Because I won't allow myself to physically be hurt by anyone ever again either. They offer Capoeira here and I think I'll be taking a few classes.

Thank you to everyone who commented yesterday with your thoughts and words. I appreciated them and took them to heart.

Since I'm feeling better I'll be starting on xmas gifts and my Jack x Glen doujin (Hime inspired me with her awesome art skills and kind words) which Polly will be helping me get published by Big Sky Publishing when it's finished. It's going to cost 600 to produce altogether. Not bad for a little piece of material. I'm glad Montana is cheap. I'll be taking that doujin and next year going to cons and promoting it, so if my life doesn't go too crazy you might see me at an anime convention or five next year.

Hmm speaking of, next year I'm going back to college. I'm excited XD



( These lyrics, I'm feeling them immensely )

So I go in for surgery today at ten. It's five am now. I can't get back to sleep. My back hurts like hell and my lower abdomen is swollen. I can't wait to get this over with and feel better. I'll be able to keep food and liquids down after this. I'm going to be awake during the procedure but they're going to give me anesthesia and gas to take away the pain. I can't wait to just go in and get it done instead of waiting, waiting, waiting. It feels like I've been waiting forever. I asked a few people if they could go with me because I'm afraid of going alone. No one wants to. They are all too busy or they just don't want to go. It sucks because the one person that said I could always count on him, he said he was too busy with things. Too busy to take an hour out of his day and go with me to give support.

I don't think I'll ever ask anything of anyone again because I'm such a burden.

So I found out why my lower abdomen has been giving me hell. I go in for a full hysterectomy in three weeks.

I hope this solves that problem :/


The hospital visit last night was hell. I hated it. And the night before was bad too.

I started coughing up blood again. My ribs ache and I feel like total crap.

And what's worse? No meds left.

This migraine is killing me.

Thank you Nano for completely killing wtfry. Not only did you kill it, you fucking slaughtered it.

Jesus fucking christ.

I'm so pissed.

I'm never opening another comm EVER again. All of that time and effort for nothing.

Posting up events but no one replies bc they're all too busy with Nano.

It doesn't matter anymore. The comm is already dead and the people that gave a shit already left.

Whatever. I'm done.

I'm sick of this. A part of me just wants to give up on rpg altogether.

If this journal is deleted by tomorrow some time, don't be surprised. I'm really just disappointed in everyone.

Why does he have such a sexy english accent

I melt every time

haha I'm pathetic

yes back from the hospital. yay~

I love how the one person who I didn't want to join my comm put someone on reserve. Why would I want that person in my community if they talked shit about it before?

It doesn't make sense.

I don't even want to look at their app. I just want to push the delete button.

HAHAHAHA!

Oh God I feel sorry for Yoite. -_-

The poor pets are in the hands of a bunch of psychos dskhjhgjdsg and Gil is aged up and he's a fighter. Jack scared the hell out of him so he took off running down the street and

FDHGSDKHAAAAAAAA WE GOT AN ANGELLICA COMING IN FROM DOGS!!! HOW INSANE!

Okay going to go tag back people nao.

http://manga.animea.net/togainu-no-chi.html

TOGAINU NO CHI. YOU READ IT. NOW.

But don't if you don't like yaoi. It's a very good Manga with awesome characters and the Seiyu that does Glenn Baskerville's voice for Pandora Hearts does Gunji/Gunzi's voice in the game.

WHY HAVE THEY NOT MADE THAT AN ANIME YET???

Oh yeah I may or may not have been accepted into the Pittsburgh School Of Design. And I may or may not be majoring in Media & Animation, oooooooh.

Hmm, well I got a pair of pants almost sewn up. It's a side project that I've been working on for weeks. I'm actually very intricate and complex. The patterns and what not on the pants. Sewing them individually has been a pain in the ass, but I know if I keep working hard, it will turn out the way I want. XD

Next up are the following

Fleece pajama set for Akira chan

Purple pouch purse for Polly

Glasses holder or a book bag for Hurrell (going to be using canvas material to make that because it needs to be heavy duty and study!

Jack plushy for Tricky

Vincent plushy for Vincento

The skirt/pants set combo that I love bc Japanese street fashion is amazing

Lotti's skirt

Glenn's coat

Patchwork hat for Jake

Something for Tyler...Hmm maybe a glasses holder too. Or a bag that has gun holsters in it. He'd like that. :)

And all of these things I am making and have made, I will be taking pix and putting them into my portfolio to show to the designing school when I apply. XD

Akira chan is a G yo ~ lolz

I'm looking at these days as "every cloud has their silver lining" or something to that effect. Tyler is driving down from Seattle right now as we speak! Yay! He heard what was going on down here and decided to visit.

He's going to be taking me to my appointment in Bozeman to get my medical marijuana card. The documents were approved and everything by the doctors there, so I've got an appointment all ready to go. Thank GOD. I won't have to take those nastyass painkillers anymore. They make me sick to my stomach. This doesn't.

I'm changing shrinks. The guy that I got is a dud. I hate him. What an idiot. He reminds me of a military sergeant. Not good. I feel uncomfortable around him.

I need to finish my cosplays. Now that my inheritance is starting to kick in, I'm getting moar cash for them. Yay!

I took a break from sewing, but now I'm going back to it after I finish all my tags. So I'll be on and off throughout the evening<3

My Gilbert Nightray wig arrived today. XD I am happy. Here are some pix. We were messing around. My nephew, Thad and I.



Akira chan is going to make a great little!Gil next year at Sakura con

( MOOOOAAAAR this way )

Well it looks like I'm moving out! But I won't be until a few months. Idk where I'm moving to. I'm getting a car first and then hitting the road. lol. Does anyone need a roommate? I want to go somewhere sunny. *sigh*

lol California here I come~

If I had one wish, it would be to erase myself. To erase my entire existence from this world. I'm tired of being yelled at. Being bitched at for ridiculous reasons. I want it all to end. To come to a stop. Like a world rotating on it's axis. I sit here with my back to you as you scream and yell obscenities at me. I act like I don't care. I continue to bottle these feelings, hatred, and anguish inside of me. Burning and bubbling inside of me. A part of myself wants to revert. To go back and take the blade, sweeping it against my skin yet again. I cause all the problems. I cause everything. People yell at me for my trivial mistakes. I am the cause of every problem. So in turn, I should take this and leave. I want to leave. To cut away at the rope called life.

I'm drowning in this pool of anguish. And choking on my tears.

I can't even remember the last time I really laughed. I want to run away from here. To get away. I hate this place.

I torture my muses way too much. Gil is going to have a premonition about being chased by a bobcat ahahaha. It's going to be sweet. He's going to flip the hell out if it really happens to him.

Then Ciel is going to more than likely have a premonition about being locked away somewhere. Oooh spooky :D

Glenn's will probably have to do with Jack and Alyss.

Going to go sew a bit more and wake up. I'll tag later~

I LOVE THE SNOW!!! I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD COME THIS EARLY THIS YEAR!!!

The kickoff of the comm has been slow but that's because I blacked out yesterday in the hallway so I couldn't see it through all the way. Oh well. I'm in no hurry. I'm just going to rp and take things as they come today. No worries.

Yaaay snow. I just had a mental image of Jack and Glenn holding each other while standing at a huge glass window watching the snow fall. Guh I am such a hopeless romantic.

STRAWBERRY PANIC PWNS!!!! Omg fandom I am loving you so haaaaard. Etoile senpai omgomgomg sjdhjghjhgjsghkjdg!!! A-And Amane Senpai! I need to pick up the full series today. Maybe I can get the box set later.


Fandom you are so beautiful~~

I want my own Etoile senpai. lol she reminds me of Vincent. The way she carries herself and what not. Aoi chan is adorable and so is Hikari :)

Going home in a little bit. Thank goodness. My other half ordered me the PH artbook for me as a get well gift. I've been getting really spoiled for once lately. It's nice.

My back hurts like crazy. I finally got some sleep but the headache is coming back.

I got some bad news today so I'm trying not to focus on that. Although I've accepted it as is, I'd rather not talk about it. SOOOOOO~

Lets talk about rpg! I can't wait to open the new place. Moe!Gil is going to be epic. Idk if I want to pull him from Jack's time or Oz's hmmmmm.

I want frappucino's yummm.